a vendor pushed religion at a work dinner

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager .
A reader writes:
I’m still Monday morning quarterbacking my response to this one in my head, I’d love your opinion.
This past week, a colleague (let’s call him Sam) and I traveled to visit a vendor out of state. The first night, the vender’s (super enthusiastic and talkative) head of sales, Bill, took the two of us out for dinner. After we had ordered, the conversation shifted to out-of-work activities/interests, and Bill talked about some faith-based career coaching he does, which led into a conversation about how he attends a “bible-believing Christian church.” He then asked “Are you a man of faith, Sam?” Sam enthusiastically agreed, and they spoke briefly about the church he attends.
Bill then turned to me and asked “Are you a woman of faith?”
I am not, in somewhat of a shift from where I’ve been at in the past, for a lot of deeply personal reasons that aren’t anyone’s business but mine.
I managed to spit out, “Um, questioning” in a pretty stern tone of voice. Bill said, “That’s what I’m here for!” and I changed the subject (I think I brought up my new puppy!).
There were a few more church/bible/religion-based topics of conversation throughout the rest of the night, but more general as far as involvement in church/church activities, and I didn’t hear another word from Bill about religion for the rest of my two day visit, which was a relief. I felt like my answer, while it did end that conversational track, still revealed more then I’m comfortable with sharing about my faith or lack thereof with a vendor and a colleague.
How would you have responded in my situation? It may or may not matter, but I am a 30something woman. I am the one who manages the budget that determines if and how much we work with this vendor. I plan to continue working with them, but a) I’d love to know what else I could have said in the moment that would have been less personal and b) what I could say in the future if this does come up as we continue to work together.
I answer this question over at Inc. today, where I’m revisiting letters that have been buried in the archives here from years ago (and sometimes updating/expanding my answers to them). You can read it here .
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