updated commenting rules

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager .
I’ve updated the commenting rules for this site — please give them a read below if you comment. (You can always find them here  as well, and they’re always linked right above the commenting box.)
If you don’t comment, here is a live feed of some newborn kittens to look at instead.

First, I will note that It Is A Comment Section. It is full of anonymous strangers from around the world, all with different frames of reference and different communication norms. It at times will be aggravating because that is the nature of comment sections. That said…
how to comment
The comment section here is lightly moderated. Because I’m not around 24/7 and don’t see every comment, moderation will be at times inconsistent, and I rely on commenters to follow these community guidelines.
Comments that don’t follow these rules may be removed without warning.
1. Be kind to letter-writers and fellow commenters.  If you wouldn’t say it to someone while you were a guest in someone’s home and still expect to be invited back, don’t say it here. That means:
• Give people the benefit of the doubt. Don’t jump to a negative interpretation of someone’s comment or situation; assume good faith on the part of others.
• Be constructive if you’re criticizing.
• If your comments are unkind, crabby, or snarky, or if you seem to be working out anger issues at the world in general, I may remove your comments, put you on permanent moderation, or ban you, at my sole discretion.
2. Keep your comments on-topic. Because comment threads can get long and unwieldy as it is, I may delete off-topic comments.
3. Limit speculation on facts not presented by letter-writers to reasonable assumptions based on the information provided.
• Don’t invent possibilities simply because you could imagine them to be within the remote realm of plausibility.
• If you’re speculating on facts not in the letter, explain how it’s actionable for the letter-writer. “She might be stealing your lunch because she can’t afford her own” is not actionable (and quickly becomes derailing). “She might be stealing your lunch because she can’t afford her own, and so you could try X” is actionable.
• Do not accuse people in the letter of nefarious motives based purely on speculation. Letter writers aren’t characters in a story; they’re real people.
4. Don’t aggressively shoot down suggestions just because they might not work in one particular circumstance. For example, don’t do this:
Person 1: “I’m having a problem that could be solved by easy things to bring for lunch.”
Person 2: “Sandwiches are easy and delicious.”
Person 3: “Not everyone can eat sandwiches! Some people are allergic to them. Thus, your suggestion sucks and you should be more considerate.”
5. Don’t armchair-diagnose others (“it sounds like your coworker is autistic/has borderline personality disorder/etc.”). We can’t diagnose based on anecdotes on the internet, these statements often stigmatize people with those diagnoses, and it’s generally not useful to focus on disorders rather than practical advice for dealing with the person in question.
6. People are experts on their own situations and know more about their own circumstances than you do.
• This is an advice column, not a court of law; letter-writers don’t need to “prove” the facts of their letter to your satisfaction. Please don’t subject them to, “But are you sure ? No, are you really sure?”
• When a letter-writer reports a situation is giving them bad vibes, particularly in regard to safety, harassment, or discrimination, believe them. Don’t search for ways to explain away the behavior or pressure them to ignore their instincts because you personally haven’t had the same experiences.
7. Don’t nitpick.
• Don’t nitpick people’s spelling, grammar, or word choices.
• Don’t nitpick on substance. If someone makes a comment that’s generally true, resist the urge to counter with a really specific, uncommon circumstance where that general truth wouldn’t apply, just to be able to correct the person.
8. Respect people’s anonymity. Don’t make comments like “I think I know what company you work for.” People comment here expecting anonymity and, even when well-meant, these comments can make people uneasy. (Also, they’re usually wrong!)