updates: my entry-level employee gave me a bunch of off-base “constructive criticism,” and more

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager .
Here are four updates from past letter-writers.
1. Is it weird to have my video on if everyone else’s is off? (#3 at the link)
This is just a quick update on the Zoom etiquette question I had last year. I found both your input and readers’ feedback helpful! I hadn’t considered the privacy issues, the possibility that I might be coercing camera use or that general zoom fatigue might be overwhelming for some. With these perspectives, I just went with it and stopped turning on my camera unless someone turned theirs on (which rarely happened). While awkward for me at first, I ended up LOVING no cameras. I love not worrying about how I look (I hand write notes, which can make me look unengaged), that my kids can be in the background and no one will know, and that my and others’ work is based on what we do – not how we look and present ourselves.
I’m happy to say I have fully embraced a no-camera worklife. So much so, that every time the new hire turns on their camera for every meeting, I find it mildly aggressive and can’t figure out why they won’t just turn it off.
Thank you so much for posting my question last year. It was really helpful to get so many views on my camera question.
2. My entry-level employee gave me a bunch of off-base “constructive criticism”
I remember writing my letter and being incredibly frustrated because I couldn’t fire her without making a massive stink and throwing my weight around – ah, the joys of middle management. The coworker she was bullying happened to be much quicker to learn our processes and had a better attitude than she did and the problem employee began actively excluding her and being snarky and rude whenever they encountered each other.
After I wrote in and read all the replies I realized that keeping this person around was ruining the culture of the office and even though firing her was outside of my control, she didn’t have to be my problem. I began documenting thoroughly every single problematic interaction I had with her or observed and passing it on to all three of the grand-bosses who did have the ability to let her go – and cc’ing HR. They very quickly got tired of having to micromanage her tantrums and attitude once I stopped handling the issues for them. I left that job shortly after for unrelated reasons and last I heard she got herself fired.
The bullying never got better and I’ve refused to give references for this person when contacted. This happened early in my management career and since then I’ve learned that if I don’t have the ability to fire someone I don’t have the responsibility to fix their behavior either – I make it the problem of the people who do and keep bringing it back to them over and over until they handle it.
3. I have a LOT of vacations planned this year … when do I tell interviewers? (#2 at the link)
I’m the letter writer who wanted to know how to approach needing a lot of vacation time when searching for a new role, and things worked out beautifully!
I found a new role with a start date after my first (and longest) vacation this year, which alleviated a lot of my anxiety around the job transition. I did what you said – I brought up the time needed at the offer stage, and I was able to successfully negotiate the precise number of vacation days I’ll need this calendar year to make the travel work! Even better, this company has an unlimited PTO policy after a year of employment, so in the future, I won’t even need to fret about it.
This job is not only a return to an industry and role I’ve enjoyed in the past, but it also comes with a 50% salary increase and some lifestyle changes that I believe will have a positive impact on my mental health. (I’ll advocate all day long for the right to WFH but I also know I personally do best in a primarily in-person environment.)
4. How to get feedback as a manager (#3 at the link)
Thank you so much for posting my question! I had a busy day (and couple of weeks since then!) and wasn’t able to interact much in the comments but I really appreciated your advice and that of the commentariat.
This week, I used a protocol suggested by one or two folks in the comments, and asked my team to work together to answer some guiding questions about my supervision. They came up with some very thoughtful and insightful feedback that I haven’t heard previously in my one on one conversations, and that I agree is an area that would be interesting and helpful for me to experiment with changing! I’m looking forward to implementing it and seeing how it goes (and then getting their feedback on that, too). So thank you for giving me some language to use, and thanks to the commentariat for their helpful suggestions as well!
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