Is your leadership style unintentionally aggressive?

We often conjure stereotypical images of overt hostility when we think of aggressive communication: raised voices, forceful demands, and intimidating behavior. However, aggression can take subtler forms, catching even the most well-intentioned leaders off guard. You may be unintentionally aggressive. 



You don’t have to be a leader who resorts to yelling or bullying to be considered an aggressive communicator. You might intend to be strong, assertive, and direct and be shocked to discover that others view you as closed-minded, aggressive, and blunt.



So, what exactly is aggressive communication, and how does it differ from assertiveness? At its core, aggressive is about winning at the expense of others—I win, you lose—whereas assertiveness involves balancing your needs and the other person’s needs; putting forward your thoughts, opinions, and beliefs in a calm, considered, and respectful way, listening, and looking for a win-win where possible. Yet many leaders don’t understand this difference and their aggressive communication may inadvertently undermine their leadership effectiveness.  



Signs of aggressive communication 



Understanding and recognizing the signs of aggressive communication is crucial for leaders. These signs may include: 




Disregarding and disrespecting others’ feelings and opinions. 



Viewing situations in black and white where you’re right, and others are wrong. 



Seeking the last word in an argument and wanting to win. 



Frequently interrupting or talking over others. 



Being closed-minded and unwilling to listen or consider other points of view. 



Blaming others and reacting defensively. 



Doing more telling than asking. 



Seeking unnecessary confrontation. 



Being abrupt and blunt rather than direct. 



Holding unrealistic expectations and being highly critical. 



Having a curt tone. 



Being fast-paced and focused on tasks and actions at the expense of people. 




While aggressive communication can offer a fleeting sense of power and effectiveness, it’s a short-term solution with long-lasting consequences. 



The pitfalls of aggressive communication 



A common rebuttal from aggressive communicators, particularly in the workplace, is: “It doesn’t matter whether people like me, as long as I get results.” While results may be achieved in the short term, they come at the cost of trust and respect, the essential elements of effective leadership. People may do what you ask but do so out of fear and obligation. This breeds resentment and leads to a loss of discretionary effort.



When individuals feel compelled to follow orders rather than being genuinely motivated to support and assist you productivity and morale suffer. While you might get what you want day-to-day, people are unlikely to go above and beyond for you or deliver their best work. Moreover, aggressive communication creates an environment of tension and mistrust, hindering collaboration and innovation. 



Making decisions without considering other perspectives leads to blind spots and mistakes. A leader who dismisses dissenting opinions or fails to seek input from team members overlooks valuable insights and alternative solutions. This tunnel vision can result in poor decision-making and missed opportunities for growth and improvement. 



Aggressive communication also distracts and detracts from your message. If you lose your cool, the focus shifts from what you’re saying to how you’re saying it, rendering your communication ineffective. Regardless of how valid your point is, people are no longer listening as their attention is on your behavior, undermining your credibility.  



Awareness is key 



The key to overcoming unintentional aggression lies in self-awareness and intentional communication. You need to be conscious of how you communicate, your choices, its impact on others, and how it influences people’s perceptions of you. 



Communicating aggressively does not make you a strong leader, it’s a weakness. Your success depends on your ability to get the best out of your people. If you’re unintentionally aggressive, you won’t be able to achieve this. Recognizing your tendencies towards aggressive communication doesn’t make you a bad person or even necessarily a poor leader. Acknowledging it means you can do something about it and is the first step toward growth and improvement.  



While there are occasions when aggressive communication does have its place— in an emergency, if your rights or safety are threatened, you need someone to stop or take action immediately, or someone is about to get hurt—adjusting your communication back to assertive quickly afterward is vital.



Assertiveness allows leaders to address issues and resolve conflicts constructively without intimidation or coercion. Developing assertiveness skills paves the way for stronger relationships, increased influence, improved decision-making, and better organizational performance.