How to survive a toxic boss, step-by-step

Throughout the course of my career, I have worked for a handful of toxic bosses . In one instance, I saw the red flags immediately, started interviewing, and moved on quickly. In another instance, I thought I could outwork the toxic boss. But I didn’t realize that the more impact I made at work, the more that would make me a target for his bullying. I stayed too long and ultimately lost so many pieces of myself that took me a long time to reclaim. I didn’t have a plan to survive the toxic boss.



When working for a toxic boss, saying “I quit” may not be immediately feasible. It may not be an option at all. If you do have to continue working for a toxic boss , you need a plan on how to navigate the situation and prepare for the next chapter of your career. The following three steps can help you survive and set yourself up for success.



Make an exit plan



Having now worked for more than one toxic boss, I recognize that when there’s smoke, there’s fire. The first time a toxic boss publicly humiliates you , tells you that you’re incompetent and don’t know what you’re doing, or yells at you in private won’t be the last time. As Maya Angelou once said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” In my case, when it came to some toxic bosses, it took me multiple times, and repeated hurt and harm for me to finally believe they were indeed toxic and accept that they weren’t going to change anytime soon. It took me even longer to realize I needed to move on.



The first step is to make an exit plan. Update your résumé and your LinkedIn profile. Let your network know you’re looking for the next chapter in your career journey. Ask for introductions, reach out to recruiters, and start applying for jobs. Craft your exit plan in a notebook or on a spreadsheet. Add key milestones you plan to accomplish and write down items you will commit to doing every day. In order to survive a toxic boss, you must dedicate time every day to exiting your current situation.



As I worked on my exit plan, I also started career journaling. This was a way for me to specifically process what I was experiencing with my then toxic boss. I was able to also take the time to self reflect and think about what I wanted to do next. And as I processed my feelings, I began to discover how my confidence and belief in myself had plummeted.



Rebuild your confidence



The next step is to rebuild your confidence . It may be difficult to do this at work when your boss is chipping away at you, making you doubt yourself, and questioning if you’re making an impact at work. But if you’re able to raise your hand and ask to be put on additional projects away from your boss, you can get exposure to other individuals and showcase your expertise. Over time, this can be a good way to rebuild your confidence. If your boss is tracking your every move and feels threatened by you doing work with others outside the team, this may not be an option.



When I was working for one toxic boss, I decided to spend my time tutoring a middle school student. I helped her in the evenings twice a week after work. I looked forward to those sessions. It was a privilege to be able to tutor her in writing and reading comprehension. I felt respected and appreciated by her as we read articles and books I would share with her, and assigned her brief writing assignments. Her parents had me over for dinner and I got to know her family as well.



To rebuild your confidence, consider pursuing activities outside of work that give you a sense of purpose. Volunteer in your community—at your local library, your place of worship, or your neighborhood food bank. Use your skills to help coach a local sports league or make meals to deliver to the elderly. 



Alternatively, you could aim to discover a new hobby or rediscover something you once loved to do when you were younger. When trying to survive a toxic boss, you may find yourself losing pieces of you. Reclaim those pieces by rebuilding your confidence.



Lean on your community



The final step to take in order to survive a toxic boss is to lean on your community. Friends, family, and coworkers can offer you support to get through this difficult time in your career. 



My incredible community of family and friends helped me survive my toxic boss. I had individuals who I would text daily. I had individuals who would take my call any time of the day as I would cry over the phone. I had individuals who would take me out for tea, lunch, or a drink to check in on me. They always listened and were never judgmental. They said things like:



“What can I do to support you today?”



“Let’s meet for coffee tomorrow morning!”



“Can I help you with your résumé or make any introductions?”



“Would you like to meet after work and go for a walk?”



“I am so sorry you are having to endure this. I am here for anything you need.”



And then there were some individuals who were not supportive in the way I needed them to be when I confided that I was working for a toxic boss. They would say things like:



“Why haven’t you resigned yet?”



“Maybe you just need to get tougher skin.”



“As my grandmother used to say, ‘This too shall pass.’”



“Is it really as bad as you think it is?”



“It’s a tough market; you should consider yourself lucky to have a job right now.”



These were individuals I could no longer stay in touch with. Their toxic positivity, inability to have empathy for my situation, or lack of belief for the pain I was in made my surviving my current reality even more difficult. I personally could not have them part of my community if I wanted to survive, move forward, and start to heal. 



While it is absolutely possible to survive a toxic boss, workplace trauma is real . While our community can be helpful, they likely aren’t trained professionals. If you believe you have been traumatized, seek therapy and the support you need from those who have expertise in helping you with your mental health. Your company may even offer mental health benefits.



In order to survive a toxic boss, make an exit plan, rebuild your confidence, and lean on your community. By taking these steps, you can move on to the next chapter of your career where you won’t just be surviving, but where you’ll be thriving.